I have to say something before you read this article. I'm going to be touching on a serious subject so if you've ever been through an abusive situation, make sure you're healed before you read on.Due to a few experiences that I've had over the past few weeks I have felt the need to write about rape and slavery. First, let me say that I'm not making reference to the enslavement of black people or a clash between any racial groups. Nor am I making any reference to any historical event. The slavery that I'm talking about is the abuse and hard labour that people go through in the workplace.
Those who know me well know that not only is administration my passion, but workplace issues in general. Inside of me there is an advocate for those in the workplace.
Over the past few months I have been meditating on some things. I've been thinking about the abuse that people endure while working for others. Hold up. I'm not trying to lead a revolution of employees against their employers. I'm not trying to tell the whole world that they need to be working for themselves. Someone has to work for somebody. What I've noticed though is a lot of mismanagement amongst leaders; mismanagement of those under them. When you are an employer, not only are you managing people's careers but you are managing their lives! That includes their families and even their purpose.
A few months ago I went through an interesting experience that would help to shape my professional life. I went through BURNOUT. You know burnout. That's when you start taking all kinds of days off from work. You start retreating from life. That's when you are chronically frustrated and irritable, and start snapping at people. Your spouse and children start wondering what's wrong with mommy or daddy who is usually a cheerful person.
I was wondering what was wrong with me until the word "Rape" came to mind. That's when I began to learn that rape is not just a sexual act; rape can be emotional and mental. I felt that so many people were using my administrative gift without putting anything back in, and I was drained. The same principles that apply to sexual rape apply to mental and emotional rape. Rape is any one-sided, non-consentual form of intercourse; sexual, mental or emotional. One person wants it and the other person doesn't. At the root of rape is selfishness; one person wants something and the other person doesn't; one person benefits and the other person doesn't. And of course there is a force about getting what they want. There is a "compelling" to do something. The travesty of life is that sexual rape is illegal, but there is no law against rape of the mind and heart.
What I began to realize is that I was feeling the same emotions as someone who had been raped or abused. What I want you to know is mental and emotional rape in the workplace is a very real issue. If you are feeling the emotions that I listed above, you may have been victim to emotional and mental rape in your workplace. If you are an employer you have to guard yourself against wanting to get what you want from an employee at any expense. There has to be a mutual benefit or you are raping your employees.
Something just came to mind. This is going to blow your mind; it blowed my mind. When someone rapes another person they don't care whether that person is married or not. Someone who is raping another is willing to do so at any expense; they are even willing to violate someone's marriage. They just want to get what they want from you. Let me give you a visual. Picture a king or slavemaster who sees a lovely young lady within their kingdom or on their plot of land. That person in authority decides they want her and so they rape her. In that act they have completely disregarded her commitment to her husband. At the root of rape is selfishness. Let me say it again. When someone rapes another person they don't care whether the person is married (committed to someone) or not. All they want is to get what they want from you. Let me bring this to the workplace. Many employers are guilty of emotional and mental rape. How so? They pressure (compel) employees to give them what they want (work wise) even at the expense of their employees' other commitments. Pause here and think about this for a few minutes... Okay let's move on. When you see an employer or person in authority pressuring you to do something for their benefit alone that infringes on your other commitments in life, that is an indicator of rape on the job.
Let me give you an example. There is a particular place that I volunteer at administratively. For a while it had been hard to volunteer as an entrepreneur because the lines between what you should do for free and be paid for are blurred. This past week the leaders of the department which I volunteer in, needed a document for a meeting to be held seven days later. Apparently there was some urgency in the request, but honestly it wasn't an emergency. I was very open about the fact that my first professional commitments are to my business and the Board that I sit on. I was asked on the Tuesday if I would get the document to them. I responded that I had misplaced something I needed for the document so I would have to look for it. I was asked again on the Wednesday and when I answered that I had a lot on my plate right now, I received a condemning response. "Come on!" At that point I had three transcripts due for the Court, I was feeling the pressure of launching our website, and clients were asking when our next magazine would be coming out. It was overdue. Again, I was asked via cell phone on Saturday, as I was leaving for Niagara Falls to celebrate my one year anniversary with my wife, whether I would be able to work on the document. I responded that I would be away for the weekend to celebrate my anniversary. The next day, after coming straight from Niagara Falls, I decided to stop in to pick someone up for a business meeting. Again, I was asked if I was able to prepare the document. I responded that as I had communicated the day before, I was spending the weekend celebrating my anniversary and that I just came from Niagara Falls. Keep in mind that throughout this one week process none of these departmental leaders wished my wife and I a Happy Anniversary. Our only communication was about this document that was supposed to be urgent. I can understand their point of view as someone who is in leadership, but on my end it seemed selfish and insensitive. In the end I found the piece I needed to produce the document and it was completed and distributed a day prior to the meeting.
About Slavery
This brings me to the concept of slavery. The majority of instances of slavery are accompanied by two things: rape and capitalism. In using the word capitalism I'm not talking about an economic system. Capitalism at its route speaks of ownership of capital. According to dictionary.com, to capitalize is to take advantage of; to turn something to one's advantage. Slavery, Rape and Capitalism are a threefold cord. They are like three tyrannical older sisters, and their victims are like Cinderella. Their last names are Selfishness. That is the tie that binds them together. Slavery, Rape and Capitalism. Where you find one, you find the others. My thoughts over the past few months are now crystalizing.
Slavery, rape and capitalism are mentalities. I argue that the same mentality that causes individuals to rape physically is the same mentality behind mental and emotional rape. Listen to someone, like an employer, who is trying to compel you to do something for their personal gratification. They sound the same as someone who is abusing someone sexually. And on the receiving end, the person being abused mentally or emotinally is feeling the torment of someone who has been abused sexually. This is why I included the picture of a wounded slave above. This is how we make people feel mentally and emotionally. I want to open your eyes to this issue in the workplace.
Can I raise a last issue? This just came to mind. I'm not sure what the percentages are, but many of the people who are raped are actually raped by someone they know, like a husband. What is it like to live with the person who is your abuser? For these people it's hard to leave. What is it like when the person abusing you is also the one paying your bills and mortgage? Think about it. Picture a young lady who is being raped or physically abused by her husband. People would ask "Why would someone stay in that situation?" Maybe the lady feels like she has no other place to go. Maybe she feels like she couldn't make it on her own. Maybe she's been in that relationship for 5, 10, 15 years, and is scared of starting all over again. Maybe she's gotten used to this man paying her bills?"
Can I tell you something? This relationship mirrors the relationship that people have with their employers. I believe that some employees out there are getting enslaved, raped and capitalized on by their employers, but many people can't leave because the one raping them is the one paying their pills and mortgage. They are financially dependent on their employer. Pause for a few minutes and think about this... Okay, move on. Some people would stay in that situation because they would feel like they can't make it on their own. Some would stay there because they've been there for 5, 10, 15 years, and would be scared of starting all over again; alone.
I want to encourage employers to check your attitudes with your staff. Are you enslaving, raping and capitalizing on your staff? Is your relationship with your staff mutually beneficial? Do you ever pressure your staff to do things for your benefit that violate their other commitments? You may be raping those under your leadership.
To employees, be aware of any circumstance in which you are being raped. Please stand up for yourselves; protect yourselves. People who love to help are those who are most likely to be abused. I know; I'm one of them. I'm not saying to be defensive, but keep your eyes open. Unlike those who physically rape and abuse, those who rape mentally and emotionally can sometimes have the best intentions, and can be the nicest people. A lot of the times when you are feeling hurt from being used, the leader you are working with can be completely unaware. It is up to you to communicate how you are feeling.
Wherever you sit in an organization, beware of Slavery, Rape and Capitalism.
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2 comments:
The word CONTROL comes to mind. People who are the abusers or the oppressors are often controllers. Employers be careful of control issues. It's not for you to take control of every situation or lord control over anyone. All actions have a reaction and what goes around comes around.
Some people believe in Karma others believe in final judgement. Whatever your belief, trust that there are consequences for every choice-good or bad.
On another note, your issue may also relate to trust. I encourage employers to trust that you have competent employees and relax allowing them to get their job done. Sometimes excess pressures don't help an employee work harder, but rather it may cause him or her to retreat.
Koliah
While I do agree with some of what is said in this post, I must admit that a lot of it goes against much of what I believe.
I agree with you on the points regarding the way some employers mistreat their employees. There are many employers who believe that by pressuring their employees and creating a cut-throat environment, that they are pushing their employees to work at their highest levels and are weeding out all of the bad apples who succumb to the pressure. Having worked in an environment like this myself, you come to realize that only a select few individuals have the stomach for that kind of environment, and in many cases they usually end up leaving when they find greener pastures elsewhere. Little do these employers realize that creating such environments ends up costing the company much time and money lost due to high turnover, repeated training, stress-related time off, and a big decrease in the quality of completed work. This has led to a new sort of workplace revolution that has been sprouting up over the last decade or so by Managers and Business Leaders who believe that there are better ways to secure results and productivity from employees, while at the same time creating an environment that nurtures employees. I recommend reading the following article with regards to that: Viva La Workplace Revolution @ Forbes.com
The main things that I disagree with in your blog post is the use of rape and enslavement in your post. I will admit that I too have experienced burnout, looking back now I recognize what kind of emotional state I fell into, and how it impacted my thoughts and perceptions afterwards. Negative thoughts bring along feelings of helplessness and victimization that lead to the kind of self-talk that includes words such as rape and enslavement.
However, in times like that of low self-esteem, it's important to remember another powerful word: Choice. Rape and Enslavement lack that key component, not providing you with a choice, where it's happening to you against your will, without you having any say in the matter. While in a rut, it's easy to believe that your employer has enslaved or raped you, but one must remember that in the modern workplace that you do have choices, and ultimately your decisions will set the tone for how employers look at you and treat you as an employee. Not only do you have choices for your actions, but for your thoughts as well, and that can be the difference between feeling used and underappreciated at work, to choosing to enjoy your work and feeling as though you are an important and valuable asset to your company or organization (or coming to the realization that there are better companies for you to work for). By choosing to think in such a positive way you are shaping your future perceptions, and taking complete control of your life and the circumstances which surround you.
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